GOOD MORNING, FAMILY !
THE LORD HAS TRULY BLESSED USWITH ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY.
IT'S JUST AMAZING.
I HAVEN'T HAD A DRINKIN FIVE DAYS !
PRAISE CHRIST !
I'VE GOT ANOTHERA.A. MEETING TODAY
AND GUESS WHEREITS GONNA BE, STAN.
AT WHISTLIN' WILLIES PIZZA !
SO YOU CANCOME WITH ME !
NO, DAD, ALL THE GUYSARE GOING TO KYLE'S HOUSE
TO WATCH THEBRONCO GAME.
KENNY AND KYLE'S DADSWERE HOPING YOU'D COME.
STAN THOSE PEOPLE DRINK,I HAVE NEW FRIENDS NOW.
MY A.A. FRIENDS
WHO HAVE FAITH IN A HIGHER POWER.
YEAH !ALRIGHT !WOO-HOO !
BOY THIS LEMONADEIS GREAT !
WHO KNEW HOW FUNBEING SOBER COULD BE ?
RIGHT !YEAH !WOO-HOO !
YOUR DAD DOESN'TDRINK EITHER ?
NO, MY DADDOESN'T DRINK.
DOES THAT MEANWE'RE FRIENDS ?
EXCUSE ME, I'D LIKE TOADDRESS THE GROUP IF I MAY.
SURE RANDY,GO AHEAD.
I'M RANDY,AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC .
HI RANDY !HI RANDY !HI RANDY !
BUT I PUT MY FAITHIN A HIGHER POWER AND...
I HAVEN'T HAD A DRINKFOR FIVE DAYS NOW
( cheers & applause )
--AND INCREDIBLE UPDATE
FROM THE BLEEDINGVIRGIN MARY STATUE.
HEY, SHHHHANG ON A SECOND, GANG !
EARLIER TODAY THE NEW POPE,POPE BENEDICT THE 16th HIMSELF,
VISITED THE STATUEHERE IN BAILEY,
TO WITNESS THE MIRACLEFIRST-HAND.
IT WAS AN AMAZINGSIGHT TO BEHOLD
AS POPE BENEDICT MADE HIS WAYTHROUGH THE THRONGS OF PEOPLE.
RIGHT THIS WAYYOUR HOLINESS.
THE POPE THEN EXAMINEDTHE STATUE CLOSELY.
AFTER WITNESSINGTHE PHENOMENON FIRST-HAND,
THE POPE THENCLEANED HIMSELF OFF,
AND THEN DECLARED THAT THEBLEEDING VIRGIN MARY STATUE...
IS NO A MIRACLE !
HAVING INVESTIGATED CLOSELY,
THE POPE DETERMINEDTHAT THE BLOOD
WAS NOT COMING FROMTHE VIRGIN MARY'S ASS,
BUT RATHER,FROM HER VAGINA.
AND THE POPE SAID QUOTE:
BACK TO YOU TOM.
THAT MEANS...I'M NOT CURED.
I STILL HAVETHE DISEASE.
BARTENDER,I NEED A DRINK !
THREE SHOTS OF MACALLEN,TWO SMALL BOTTLES OF VODKA,
THREE BOTTLES OF BEER,AND SOME JELLO-SHOOTERS !
COME ON LET'S GO !
RANDY, WHAT AREYOU DOING ?
YOU HEARD WHAT HE SAID !
THE HIGHER POWERDIDN'T CURE ME !
I'M POWERLESS AGAIN !
I'M POWERLESS TOO !
YEAH, ME TOO !
GET MESEVEN MARTINIS !
JACK AND COKE !
DAD, DAD STOP !
I'M SORRY, SONI'M OFF THE WAGON !
DAD YOU DON'THAVE TO DO THIS !
YOU HAVE THE POWER !
YOU HAVEN'T DRANKSINCE SEEING THE STATUE !
BUT THE STATUEWASN'T A MIRACLE .
YEAH, THE STATUEWASN'T A MIRACLE, DAD.
SO THAT MEANSYOU DID IT.
THAT MEANS YOU DIDN'T HAVEA DRINK FOR FIVE DAYS
ALL ON YOUR OWN !
YOU'RE RIGHT, STAN.
IF GOD DIDN'T MAKEME STOP DRINKING...
THEN I DID.
MAYBE... MAYBE I CAN FORCEMYSELF TO NEVER DRINK AGAIN !
DAD, YOULIKE TO DRINK.
SO HAVE A DRINKONCE IN AWHILE.
HAVE TWO !
AND IF YOU DEVOTEYOUR WHOLE LIFE
TO COMPLETELY AVOIDINGSOMETHING YOU LIKE
THEN THAT THINGSTILL CONTROLS YOUR LIFE
AND YOU'VE NEVER LEARNEDANY DISCIPLINE AT ALL.
BUT MAYBE... I'M JUSTTHE KIND OF PERSON
WHO NEEDS TO HAVE IT ALLOR NOTHING.
NAH, ALL OR NOTHINGIS EASY,
BUT LEARNING TO DRINKA LITTLE BIT, RESPONSIBLY...
THAT'S A DIS-A-PRIN.
DIS-A-PRIN...COME FROM WITHIN.
HOW DID I MANAGETO RAISE SUCH A SMART KID ?
I'VE HADA GREAT TEACHER.
NO, NOT YOU,MY KARATE TEACHER.
HE'S REALLY SMART.
OH... WELL,TELL YOU WHAT...
LET'S LEAVETHE CAR HERE
WALK HOME ANDWATCH THE GAME.
I'D LIKE TO HAVEANOTHER BEER OR TWO.
COME ON !
OR MAYBE I'LLHAVE THREE BEERS ?
THAT'S PROBABLY OKAY,IF YOU SPREAD IT OUT.
HOW ABOUT FOUR ?
I THINK YOU'REPUSHING IT.
HOW ABOUT TWENTY ?
THAT'S NOT DIS-A-PRIN.
RIGHT, RIGHT,DOES VODKA COUNT ?
South Park 914: Bloody Mary - Act 3
The boys have to help Mr. Garrison get his testicles out of Kyle's knees.x CLOSE
Cartman seeks to rid the world of hippies once and for all.x CLOSE
The boys realize they can make 10% of someone else's hard-earned money just by being talent agents.x CLOSE
Cartman's jealous when Kenny gets the last new portable gaming device before the toy store runs out. Will Cartman and Kenny be able to stay best friends forever?x CLOSE
If the boys can lose just one baseball game, it gets them out of playing the boring sport for the entire summer.x CLOSE
Butters is freaked out when he thinks he can communicate with the dead.x CLOSE
Jimmy has to get control of his raging hormones in time to perform in the school's talent show.x CLOSE
The world's largest beaver dam breaks, flooding the nearby town of Beaverton. As the victims wait for help to arrive, the people of South Park declare a Global Warming State of Emergency.x CLOSE
In order to retrieve a Future Telling Device the girls possess, Butters must fake his death, dress up as a girl and infiltrate their slumber party.x CLOSE
Mrs. Garrison still has feelings for Mr. Slave, but it's too late -- Mr. Slave has moved on and plans to marry his new love as soon as the Governor signs the same-sex marriage bill.x CLOSE
Stan's Dad gets pulled over for drunk driving.x CLOSE
Randy goes to an AA meeting.x CLOSE
Mr. Marsh begins drinking again.x CLOSE
Stan's Dad shows up drunk to drive the boys home from karate practice.x CLOSE
Stan's Dad talks to Stan's class about drunk driving.x CLOSE
Stan comes home after school to find his dad drunk on the couch.x CLOSE
Randy decides his only hope is to be cured by a bleeding Virgin Mary statue.x CLOSE
Stan gets thrown out of an AA meeting for calling it a cult.x CLOSE
Cardinal Mallory determines the bleeding statue is a miracle.x CLOSE
Randy insists on visiting the statue in hopes of being cured.x CLOSE