( school bell rings )

M'KAY, KIDS,AS YOUR COUNSELOR,

I KNOW IT CAN SOMETIMES BEDIFFICULT TO TALK ABOUT SUBJECTS

LIKE DRUGS AND SEXAND ALCOHOL, M'KAY.

SO, AS YOU REMEMBER, LAST WEEKI TOLD YOU TO WRITE DOWN

ANY DIFFICULT QUESTIONSYOU HAD

AND PUT THEM IN THIS BOX,ANONYMOUSLY,

SO WE COULD DISCUSS THOSEQUESTIONS IN CLASS, M'KAY.

I GOT A LOT OF RESPONSES,SO LET'S READ SOME ALOUD.

( clears throat )

"MR. MACKEY IS GAY."

( kids snickering )

M'KAY, KIDS,THAT IS NOT FUNNY, M'KAY ?

THIS BOX IS SUPPOSEDTO BE USED

FOR SERIOUS QUESTIONSABOUT SERIOUS ISSUES, M'KAY.

SO LET'S STOPTHE TOMFOOLERY.

M'KAY, LET'S LOOK ATA REAL ONE HERE.

"DEAR MR. MACKEY...YOU ARE GAY."

( kids laughing )

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT,THAT'S ENOUGH, KIDS !

LET'S QUIET DOWN ANDTRY TO BE MATURE, M'KAY.

HERE WE GO, M'KAY.

"MR. MACKEY, SOMETIMESMY PARENTS HIT ME.

AND YOU ARE GAY."

( laughing )

DAMMIT, IS THERE NOT ONE SERIOUSQUESTION IN HERE ?

"MR. MACKEY IS GAY.""MR. MACKEY IS GAY."

M'KAY, HERE.

( clears throat )

"I AM A BOY ATSOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY.

"SOMETIMES WHEN I AMSITTING IN CLASS

"MY PENIS BECOMES HARDFOR NO REASON.

WHAT SHOULD I DO ?"

( Cartman snickers,bursts out laughing )

( laughing )

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, KIDS,THAT'S ENOUGH !

( bell tinkling )

IF YOU ALL CAN'T BE SERIOUSABOUT THE QUESTION BOX

THEN WE'LL JUST DO DRUGIDENTIFICATION EXERCISES, M'KAY.

( kids )AWWWW !

M'KAY, JIMMY, WHYDON'T YOU COME UP HERE

AND WRITE DOWN THE NAMEOF TWO NARCOTICS.

UH, NO, THAT'S OKAY,MR. MACKEY.

JIMMY, I'M NOT ASKING YOU,I'M TELLING YOU.

UH, JUST, NOT RIGHTTHIS SECOND, MR. MACKEY.

WELL, WHY THE HELL NOT ?!

UH...

IT'S WHAT ?

OH, YOU DO ?

R-RIGHT NOW,RIGHT NOW IT IS ?

M'KAY, M'KAY,DON'T WORRY, JIMMY.

M'KAY, UH, LET'S PICKSOMEONE ELSE.

UH, ERIC, WHY DON'T YOUCOME UP HERE.

HEY, THAT'S BULLCRAP !

HOW COME JIMMY DOESN'THAVE TO DO IT ?

WELL, BECAUSE JIMMY'SPITCHING A TENT RIGHT NOW.

HE'S WHAT ?!