( school bell rings )
M'KAY, KIDS,AS YOUR COUNSELOR,
I KNOW IT CAN SOMETIMES BEDIFFICULT TO TALK ABOUT SUBJECTS
LIKE DRUGS AND SEXAND ALCOHOL, M'KAY.
SO, AS YOU REMEMBER, LAST WEEKI TOLD YOU TO WRITE DOWN
ANY DIFFICULT QUESTIONSYOU HAD
AND PUT THEM IN THIS BOX,ANONYMOUSLY,
SO WE COULD DISCUSS THOSEQUESTIONS IN CLASS, M'KAY.
I GOT A LOT OF RESPONSES,SO LET'S READ SOME ALOUD.
( clears throat )
"MR. MACKEY IS GAY."
( kids snickering )
M'KAY, KIDS,THAT IS NOT FUNNY, M'KAY ?
THIS BOX IS SUPPOSEDTO BE USED
FOR SERIOUS QUESTIONSABOUT SERIOUS ISSUES, M'KAY.
SO LET'S STOPTHE TOMFOOLERY.
M'KAY, LET'S LOOK ATA REAL ONE HERE.
"DEAR MR. MACKEY...YOU ARE GAY."
( kids laughing )
ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT,THAT'S ENOUGH, KIDS !
LET'S QUIET DOWN ANDTRY TO BE MATURE, M'KAY.
HERE WE GO, M'KAY.
"MR. MACKEY, SOMETIMESMY PARENTS HIT ME.
AND YOU ARE GAY."
( laughing )
DAMMIT, IS THERE NOT ONE SERIOUSQUESTION IN HERE ?
"MR. MACKEY IS GAY.""MR. MACKEY IS GAY."
( clears throat )
"I AM A BOY ATSOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY.
"SOMETIMES WHEN I AMSITTING IN CLASS
"MY PENIS BECOMES HARDFOR NO REASON.
WHAT SHOULD I DO ?"
( Cartman snickers,bursts out laughing )
( laughing )
ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, KIDS,THAT'S ENOUGH !
( bell tinkling )
IF YOU ALL CAN'T BE SERIOUSABOUT THE QUESTION BOX
THEN WE'LL JUST DO DRUGIDENTIFICATION EXERCISES, M'KAY.
( kids )AWWWW !
M'KAY, JIMMY, WHYDON'T YOU COME UP HERE
AND WRITE DOWN THE NAMEOF TWO NARCOTICS.
UH, NO, THAT'S OKAY,MR. MACKEY.
JIMMY, I'M NOT ASKING YOU,I'M TELLING YOU.
UH, JUST, NOT RIGHTTHIS SECOND, MR. MACKEY.
WELL, WHY THE HELL NOT ?!
IT'S WHAT ?
OH, YOU DO ?
R-RIGHT NOW,RIGHT NOW IT IS ?
M'KAY, M'KAY,DON'T WORRY, JIMMY.
M'KAY, UH, LET'S PICKSOMEONE ELSE.
UH, ERIC, WHY DON'T YOUCOME UP HERE.
HEY, THAT'S BULLCRAP !
HOW COME JIMMY DOESN'THAVE TO DO IT ?
WELL, BECAUSE JIMMY'SPITCHING A TENT RIGHT NOW.
HE'S WHAT ?!
Anonymous Question Box
Mr. Mackey reads to class from the anonymous questions box.
The boys have to help Mr. Garrison get his testicles out of Kyle's knees.x CLOSE
Cartman seeks to rid the world of hippies once and for all.x CLOSE
The boys realize they can make 10% of someone else's hard-earned money just by being talent agents.x CLOSE
Cartman's jealous when Kenny gets the last new portable gaming device before the toy store runs out. Will Cartman and Kenny be able to stay best friends forever?x CLOSE
If the boys can lose just one baseball game, it gets them out of playing the boring sport for the entire summer.x CLOSE
Butters is freaked out when he thinks he can communicate with the dead.x CLOSE
Jimmy has to get control of his raging hormones in time to perform in the school's talent show.x CLOSE
The world's largest beaver dam breaks, flooding the nearby town of Beaverton. As the victims wait for help to arrive, the people of South Park declare a Global Warming State of Emergency.x CLOSE
In order to retrieve a Future Telling Device the girls possess, Butters must fake his death, dress up as a girl and infiltrate their slumber party.x CLOSE
Mrs. Garrison still has feelings for Mr. Slave, but it's too late -- Mr. Slave has moved on and plans to marry his new love as soon as the Governor signs the same-sex marriage bill.x CLOSE
Mr. Mackey reads to class from the anonymous questions box.x CLOSE
Jimmy chases after Nut Gobbler and her pimp.x CLOSE
Jimmy rescues Nut Gobbler and finally gets laid.x CLOSE
Jimmy gets a little too excited for the upcoming talent show.x CLOSE
Jimmy's parents call in Dr. Pal to help with his problem.x CLOSE
Jimmy has a nightmare about his uncontrollable erections.x CLOSE
Butters gives Jimmy advice on what to do about his erections.x CLOSE
Cartman will help Jimmy get laid.x CLOSE
Cartman helps Jimmy wine and dine Shauna.x CLOSE
Barbrady tells Jimmy about Colfax Point.x CLOSE