JUST A LITTLE MORE.
THERE WE GO.
HELLO, KYLE,HOW'S THE HEMORRHOID TODAY ?
KYLE, WE WANT TO TELL YOUABOUT THE BOOK OF JOB.
IT'S A STORYFROM THE BIBLE.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THE BIBLE,WHAT HAS IT GOTTEN ME ?
OH, I THINK YOU'LL SEEDIFFERENTLY AFTER HEARING THIS.
SIT DOWN, KYLE.
YOU SEE, JOB LIVED INTHE EAST OF JORDAN
A LONG, LONG TIME AGO.
JOB WAS A GREAT MAN.
HE WAS BLESSED WITHTEN LOVELY CHILDREN,
A WONDERFUL WIFEAND MANY FRIENDS.
HE WAS A GODLY AND A GOOD MANAND FED THE POOR.
HE WAS THE MOST UPRIGHTAND HONORABLE OF MEN.
AND EVERY DAYHE PRAISED GOD.
BUT ONE DAY,
SATAN WENT UP TO HEAVENAND TALKED TO GOD.
SATAN TALKED TO GOD ?
Captioning made possible by COMEDY CENTRALSATAN TALKS TO GOD.
AND GOD SAYS TO SATAN,"HAVE YOU SEEN JOB ?
HE IS A GREAT MAN ANDHE PRAISES ME EVERY DAY."
BUT SATAN SAID,"OH YEAH ?
"HE ONLY PRAISES YOUBECAUSE YOU GAVE HIM SO MUCH.
"IF YOU DIDN'TGIVE HIM THOSE THINGS
HE WOULD CURSEYOUR NAME."
TO WHICH GOD SAID,
"OH YEAH ?I'LL SHOW YOU SATAN.
"I'LL TAKE THOSE THINGSAWAY FROM JOB
AND HE WILL STILLPRAISE MY NAME."
AND SO, GOD HAD A BUNCHOF BARBARIANS COME IN
AND SLAUGHTER JOB'SOX AND DONKEYS
AND MURDERALL HIS WORKERS.
THEN GOD SENT HIS FIREBALLSFROM THE SKY
AND KILLED HIS SHEEP ANDTHE REST OF HIS EMPLOYEES.
AND THEN AS JOB'S SONSAND DAUGHTERS WERE EATING
GOD SENT A MIGHTY WINDTO COLLAPSE THE HOUSE
AND CRUSHED ANDKILLED THEM ALL.
JOB WAS TERRIBLY SAD
BUT HE FELT TOHIS KNEES AND SAID,
"THE LORD GIVETH ANDTHE LORD TAKETH AWAY."
AND PRAISED GOD'S NAME.
SO THEN, JOB GOT PAINFUL SORESALL OVER HIS BODY.
HE WAS IN TERRIBLE, MISERABLEPAIN ALL DAY, EVERYDAY.
BUT HE STILLKEPT HIS FAITH.
GOD SAID TO SATAN,
"SEE ? I TOLD YOU !JOB STILL PRAISES ME."
AND THAT'S IT ?THAT'S THE END ?
THAT'S THE MOST HORRIBLE STORYI'VE EVER HEARD.
WHY WOULD GOD DO SUCH HORRIBLETHINGS TO A GOOD PERSON
JUST TO PROVEA POINT TO SATAN ?
OH, UH, I DON'T KNOW.
THEN I WAS RIGHT.
JOB HAS ALLHIS CHILDREN KILLED
AND MICHAEL BAY GETS TOKEEP MAKING MOVIES.
THERE ISN'T A GOD.
The Book of Job
The Book of Job doesn't change Kyle's mind about God
Cartman heads off to spend his million dollars.x CLOSE
Cartman admits Butters and Clyde into Cartmanland.x CLOSE
The Book of Job doesn't change Kyle's mind about Godx CLOSE
Cartman attends his grandmother's funeral.x CLOSE
Cartman inherits one million dollars from his grandmother.x CLOSE
Kenny tells Stan and Kyle about Cartman's big windfall.x CLOSE
Cartman buys a failing theme park.x CLOSE
Cartman has a theme park; Kyle has a hemorrhoid.x CLOSE
Cartman enjoys alone time in his theme park.x CLOSE
Stan and Kyle decide to go to Cartmanland, even though they're not wanted.x CLOSE