IT'S SOUTH PARK EVENING NEWS,WITH TOM PUSLIKER.
PERIL, CRISIS AND FEAR TONIGHTAS WHAT APPEARS TO BE
A MASSIVE FLOOD HAS OVERTAKENTHE TOWN OF BEAVERTON, COLORADO.
HOME OF THE WORLD'SLARGEST BEAVER DAM.
EARLIER TODAY,A BREAK IN THE BEAVER DAM
WHICH PROTECTED THE TOWN,BROKE OPEN
TRAPPING PEOPLE IN THEIR HOUSESAND DESTROYING THEIR LIVES !
OH MY GOSH,THOSE POOR PEOPLE.
TOM, I'M CURRENTLY TEN MILESOUTSIDE OF BEAVERTON,
UNABLE TO GET INSIDETHE TOWN PROPER.
WE DO NOT HAVE ANY REPORTSOF FATALITIES YET,
BUT WE BELIEVETHAT THE DEATH TOLL
MAY BE IN THE HUNDREDSOF MILLIONS.
BEAVERTON ONLY HAS A POPULATIONOF ABOUT EIGHT THOUSAND,
TOM, SO THIS WOULD BEQUITE DEVASTATING.
Any word on how the survivorsin the town are doing, Mitch ?
WE'RE NOT SURE WHATEXACTLY IS GOING ON
INSIDE THE TOWNOF BEAVERTON, TOM
BUT WE'RE REPORTINGTHAT THERE'S
LOOTING, RAPING,AND YES...
EVEN ACTSOF CANNIBALISM.
MY GOD, YOU'VEACTUALLY SEEN PEOPLE
LOOTING, RAPINGAND EATING EACH OTHER ?
NO, WE HAVEN'T ACTUALLYSEEN IT, TOM.
WE'RE JUST REPORTING IT.
YOU ALL DONE WITHYOUR FISH STICKS, STAN ?
I'LL HELP YOU, SHARON.
BOY, THAT'SJUST AWFUL.
In the nearby townof South Park,
the cause of the Beaverton floodis being investigated.
THAT'S RIGHT, WE KNOWWHOSE FAULT THIS IS !
IT'S GEORGE BUSH'S FAULT !
YEAH, GEORGE BUSH DOESN'TCARE ABOUT BEAVERS !
GEORGE BUSH DIDN'TBREAK THAT BEAVER DAM !
IT WAS THE TERRORISTSAND AL QAEDA !
THEY'VE BEENSECRETLY BUILDING
BEAVER DAM W.M.D.sFOR YEARS NOW !
MOM, DAD, THEY'RE GONNAGO HELP THOSE PEOPLE, RIGHT ?
I DON'T KNOW,YOU KNOW TO ME,
IT SEEMS LIKE THEMAYOR OF BEAVERTON
SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHINGABOUT THAT DAM YEARS AGO.
DON'T BLAMETHE MAYOR, SHARON.
WHAT ABOUT F.E.M.A. ?
I THINK THIS WHOLE THINGIS REALLY THEIR FAULT.
BUT... SOMEBODY'SGONNA HELP THE PEOPLE
OFF OF THEIRROOFTOPS, RIGHT ?
THAT'S NOT WHAT'SIMPORTANT RIGHT NOW, SON.
WHAT'S IMPORTANT ISFIGURING WHOSE FAULT THIS IS.
Who To Blame
A break in Beaverton's dam floods the town.
The boys have to help Mr. Garrison get his testicles out of Kyle's knees.x CLOSE
Cartman seeks to rid the world of hippies once and for all.x CLOSE
The boys realize they can make 10% of someone else's hard-earned money just by being talent agents.x CLOSE
Cartman's jealous when Kenny gets the last new portable gaming device before the toy store runs out. Will Cartman and Kenny be able to stay best friends forever?x CLOSE
If the boys can lose just one baseball game, it gets them out of playing the boring sport for the entire summer.x CLOSE
Butters is freaked out when he thinks he can communicate with the dead.x CLOSE
Jimmy has to get control of his raging hormones in time to perform in the school's talent show.x CLOSE
The world's largest beaver dam breaks, flooding the nearby town of Beaverton. As the victims wait for help to arrive, the people of South Park declare a Global Warming State of Emergency.x CLOSE
In order to retrieve a Future Telling Device the girls possess, Butters must fake his death, dress up as a girl and infiltrate their slumber party.x CLOSE
Mrs. Garrison still has feelings for Mr. Slave, but it's too late -- Mr. Slave has moved on and plans to marry his new love as soon as the Governor signs the same-sex marriage bill.x CLOSE
A break in Beaverton's dam floods the town.x CLOSE
Global warming strikes.x CLOSE
Stan admits he broke the dam.x CLOSE
Stan crashes a boat in to a beaver dam.x CLOSE
Global warming is reported to have caused the flood.x CLOSE
The State Capitol panics when they realize global warming is going to strike today.x CLOSE
The citizens of South Park take refuge.x CLOSE
Stan tells Kyle the truth about the Beaverton flood.x CLOSE
Randy draws a penis on a map.x CLOSE
The boys start a fire in Beaverton.x CLOSE