OH COOL, A PREVIEW !
( announcer )Coming this summer,
it's the classic filmthat changed America.
"E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial" !
The new, redone versionfor 2002 !
All the E.T. effects have beendigitally upgraded.
All the guns have been digitallychanged to walkie-talkies.
And the word "terrorist" hasbeen changed to "hippie".
AW, DUDE, WHY WOULDTHEY DO THAT ?
YEAH, HIPPIES AND TERRORISTSARE THE SAME THING.
NO, DUDE, SPIELBERG CHANGEDTERRORIST TO HIPPIE
TO MAKE E.T. MORE P.C.
Coming this summer,
It's the motion picturethat changed America.
"Saving Private Ryan",the re-re-release,
where the word "NAZI"has been changed to
"persons with politicaldifferences".
And all the guns have beenreplaced by walkie-talkies.
( gunfire, screaming )
WHY THE HELL DO THESE DIRECTORSKEEP UPDATING THEIR MOVIES ?!
And now for yourfeature presentation !
The classic re-re-re-release
of "Star Wars: The EmpireStrikes Back !
( all )WOO HOO !
( all )AAAAAGHHH !
GOD DAMMIT,THAT PISSES ME OFF !
YEAH, WE WANTOUR MONEY BACK !
SORRY, SUCKERS !
YOU ASSHOLE !
WHY DON'T THEY LEAVETHOSE MOVIES ALONE !
WE LIKED THEM THE WAYTHEY WERE !
DON'T YOU SEEWHAT THIS MEANS ?
ALL OUR FAVORITE MOVIES AREGOING TO BE CHANGED AND UPDATED
UNTIL WE CAN'T EVENRECOGNIZE THEM ANYMORE !
TWEEK IS RIGHT.
IT ISN'T FAIR FOR THOSEASSHOLE DIRECTORS
TO KEEP CHANGING THEIR MOVIESAND MAKING THEM DIFFERENT !
MOVIES ARE ART AND ARTSHOULDN'T BE MODIFIED !
YEAH, WHAT IFTHEY HAD MODIFIED
THE ROMAN COLOSSEUMEVERY YEAR ?
IT WOULD JUST BE ANOTHERBIG "DOUCHIE" STADIUM NOW !
WE HAVE TODO SOMETHING !
LET'S FORM A CLUB !
YEAH, WE COULDFORM A CLUB
THAT TAKES FOOD STAMPSFROM POOR PEOPLE
AND THEN SELLS THEM BACK TOTHE GOVERNMENT FOR A PROFIT !
NO, FAT-ASS !
I MEAN A CLUB TO PROTECTFILMS FROM THEIR DIRECTORS
SO THEY CAN'T BEMESSED WITH !
YEAH, WE'LL BE THE "SAVE FILMSFROM THEIR OWN DIRECTORS' CLUB".
NO !NO, NO !
I DON'T WANNA FORM A CLUB !THAT'S TOO MUCH PRESSURE !
LOOK, I'M SUPPOSED TOTAKE IT EASY.
JUST WATCH THE CLOUDS,SIT IN THE GRASS.
IF WE FORM A CLUB THERE'LL BERESPONSIBILITIES,
TWEEK, NOW GOD DAMMIT,
WE PICKED YOU TOREPLACE KENNY
BECAUSE WE THOUGHT YOU WEREA TEAM PLAYER !
I'M NOT !
I'M NOTA TEAM PLAYER !
NOW EITHER YOU STOP WITHTHESE "FAGGOTRONICS"
OR WE'LL FIND SOMEONETO REPLACE YOU !
AAAGH !OH, JESUS !
Empire Strikes Back
The boys are furious about the changes made to classic movies.
With the popularity of a new weight loss program, the boys see their opportunity to become sponsored by a major restaurant chain.x CLOSE
When the boys travel to Aspen and hit the slopes for the first time, Stan has a run-in with one of the locals and is challenged to a race.x CLOSE
The boys sign Butters up as a guest on a popular afternoon talk show that features people with weird deformities.x CLOSE
When the boys kidnap baby calves to save them from becoming sweet juicy veal steaks, the police show up and a standoff ensues.x CLOSE
All the kids in South Park are wild with anticipation to see the first trailer for the latest Terrance and Phillip movie.x CLOSE
The boys fire Butters as their friend, unleashing his dark side.x CLOSE
Cartman tries to retrieve his Sea Men from Ms. Choksondik's stomach, while Professor Chaos plans to destroy the world.x CLOSE
Priest Maxi travels to Rome when the Catholic Church scandal begins to impact church attendance in South Park.x CLOSE
The boys take on a cause when they realize that their favorite films are being enhanced, re-released and ruined in the process.x CLOSE
Bebe is the first girl in the fourth grade to "develop," threatening the boys' friendship and society in general.x CLOSE
The boys are furious about the changes made to classic movies.x CLOSE
The boys get interviewed on "Nightline."x CLOSE
Steve Spielberg has the boys arrested.x CLOSE
The boys offer free hats to anyone who shows up to their rally.x CLOSE
The boys' incentive creates a misunderstanding among the locals.x CLOSE
The free Hat movement splits up it duties.x CLOSE
Cartman initiates plan B.x CLOSE
Trey Parker and Matt Stone talk about "South Park's" re-release.x CLOSE
Tweek is left to save the boys on his own.x CLOSE
Tweek chokes with the RPG.x CLOSE